Fresh Mommy

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Solid as a Rock

I've never been very weepy.

To this day, Fresh Daddy is disturbed that I did not shed a tear when he proposed to me in an Irish Castle over 8 years ago. For years after, whenever he would hear the tale of another friend who became engaged he would ask, "Did she cry?" and you know, the answer is almost always yes, and then I would get the look -- she cried. He was really hoping for waterworks; I disappointed. When we were married, I did not cry. He thinks I'm cold as ice. He has been known to call me Stone Face. He says he should have known back when we first started dating and went to see Slingblade, and I didn't shed a tear at the end. (He, on the other hand, got a little teary and claimed to have something in his eye. Jeez, pull yourself together, man.)

My best friend also accuses me of being hard-hearted. She was appalled to hear that I wasn't bawling at the end of Brokeback Mountain. Yes, it was good. They loved each other. Very nice. I'm sorry Jake Gyllenhaal had to die, and they couldn't live out their lives together, and all Heath Ledger had to remember him by was a postcard and an old shirt. Sad, sad, sad. But I didn't cry. She, apparently, was sobbing. Me? Not a tear.

So that's me -- a rock, a stone, something you can count on to be strong and solid (okay, some might say stoic) at all times.

Last week I'm driving down the road, iPod hooked into the car stereo. Over the speakers comes Van Morrison's Tupelo Honey. A fabulous song. Perfect for a summer drive.

You can take all the tea in China
Put it in a big brown bag for me
Sail it right round all the seven oceans
Drop it into the deep blue sea
She's as sweet as tupelo honey
She's an angel of the first degree
She's as sweet, she's as sweet as tupelo honey
Just like honey, baby, from the bee

And I am weeping because, apropos of nothing, I've decided that it's the perfect song for Fresh Girl to dance to with Fresh Daddy at her wedding. She's not even two and I'm planning her wedding (uh, mom, it's my wedding, back off). In my mind she's the most beautiful bride, and it's the happiest day of her life, and it's the perfect wedding, and we're all so happy. Then I'm sad because I want to be the one to dance with her at her wedding, but it's the father/daughter dance, and so I imagine myself on the edge of the dance floor, watching and crying. You know, tears of joy and all that stuff, but crying nonetheless. And I'm crying and crying and crying. Literally. In the car. Crying. Get a hold of yourself, woman. You've got a toddler in the back seat. One minute I'm driving up Blue Mountain Road, admiring the blue mountain, the next I'm imagining Fresh Girl's wedding, and there are tears streaming down my face, and I can hardly see the road in front of me. It's dangerous this crying bit. It's not safe, I tell you.

And I've made a decision -- I'm dancing with her anyway. At her wedding. I'm starting a new tradition: the mother/daughter wedding dance. I haven't picked the exact song yet, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, Fresh Girl and I dance around the kitchen to Paul Simon's "Loves Me Like a Rock." I pick her up and swing her around and she laughs and laughs and laughs. Oh my mama loves me, she loves me, she get down on her knees and hug me. She loves me like a rock, she rocks me like the rock of ages. She loves me. She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me...

10 Comments:

Blogger Jill said...

Paul Simon's Father and Daughter song might be another good one. Of course, then again, it would be Fresh Daddy leading the dance instead of you.

I don't cry either. Not at the proposal, not at the wedding, not at the births of my children, not over Brokeback. I guess we're just empty inside Fresh Mommy. I did scare up a tear at the end of "In America." Try that for a crying release that doesn't involve driving.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

That is sweet...
You know for my wedding I wanted my Mom and My Dad to walk with me down the aisle...
My mom is pretty pro woman and all that she did for us girls...
And you know she refused...
She said...'I believe in circles. I had to walk that looooooong aisle to meet your dad at the end... and now he has to walk to me'
Funny what ends up manefesting in weddings...
and I think a daughter mother dance is brillliant...
But you know...
My daughter is 8 going on 9... and we have held hands forever walking down the street... I am one of the last that has this joy... and as of late... these times are fewer and fewer..
I miss them...
and think a mother dance would be great...

11:05 AM  
Blogger chichimama said...

I'm not much of a crier either. You can tell your hubby there was not a tear shed at our proposal either.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I think I have something in my eye.

sniff

I'm not a crier. I repeat I am NOT a CRIER. (Was I supposed to cry at the end of Brokeback? I didn't know.) But this post was so sweet and those are the types of things that make me weep for days. I like your new tradition of the mother/daughter dance. Mind if I copy when my own daughter (sniff) gets (sniff sniff) married? (WAAAHHH)

7:36 PM  
Blogger MrsWndr said...

I know just how you feel. I can't wait for WonderKid's wedding. I am totally taking over! HA! Great Daddy/Daughter dance...Paul Simon's Daddy Daughter song from the Wild Thornberries movie.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

So sweet. Rock on, teary mommy.

9:01 PM  
Blogger KellyF said...

That was so very sweet. Hard hearted? Pshaw.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I so feel this post.

And amen to the mommy daughter dance.

11:02 AM  
Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

Poor Fresh Daddy... I can cry over the littlest, dumbest things, but then often when I think I should cry, I'm surprised that I don't. Like I cried and cried thinking about giving birth to my babies, but then when they were born... nothing! Now I can cry and cry thinking about it.

I didn't cry at my wedding either, but I cried at your's! And LH's... Ha!

5:35 PM  
Blogger Stephanie A. said...

Songs can have so much meaning. My son and I have "our song" and it's Where You Lead by Carole King. Love it and we WILL dance to it if he decides to get married ever.

11:26 AM  

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